It's Friday. Sex?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
