Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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