Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
