She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
