it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
