She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
