Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
