maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
