I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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