well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Say something about gay babies.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
