Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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