Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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