when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
