After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
