im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You made out with two different species that night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just pee around me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
