Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize