i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
