I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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