bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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