why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
