Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This is my gift to your gina
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
