I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
