Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
