I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
