He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
