If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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