When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
