I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
