That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
