Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
