Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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