My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
