You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
