every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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