I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize