i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
