i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
