im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
