there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
