My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
