Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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