I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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