i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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