i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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