just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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