I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
