I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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