I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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