My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
