Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
