i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
