I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
