my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
