Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
