No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
