i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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