BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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