Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize