6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
