Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
