i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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