Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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